I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
