Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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