I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
