What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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