no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
