I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
