yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
