How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
