Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
