I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think your dad took our porno
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
