do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
