I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
