Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
