so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
