they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize