you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
