If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
