Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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