haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize