i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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