and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
