SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
