Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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