whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
