He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
