The maid of honor just puked.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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