In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I can text with my tongue
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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