____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
