It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sext me about skeletons
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
