I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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