eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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