My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
