all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
