the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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