Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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