I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
