so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
