you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
