Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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