ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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