he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
