I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
