Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
