I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
