Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I believe in your delicious
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
