The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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