His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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