Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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