i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Is it penis luge time yet?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
