I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
