Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
