She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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