Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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