i was born a porn star she said
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
