She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
