Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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