Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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