Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i think i have herpe
just one?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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