The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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