put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
