Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
