I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
