Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
